Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
