There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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