so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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