i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
