can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
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We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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