The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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