If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
