i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
