Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
