I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
