just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
