put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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