he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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