turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
