u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
