He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
