Where is the hickey?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
