shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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