She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
