Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
