Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Randomize
