The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
