My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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