I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
