I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
