I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
