Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
