I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
