She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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