My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
