he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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