Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude i'm inner monologue high
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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