if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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