Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
