I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
