You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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