this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
