accomplished twins. life is a go
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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