Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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