he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
