She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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