Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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