she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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