Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize