Just fell off a train. Bad.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
