We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
