I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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