ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
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Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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