Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
