Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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