I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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