Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
