so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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