remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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