I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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