I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
