i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
