just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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