I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Your dad touched me again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
