you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
