Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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