so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
