I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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