just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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